The Medicinal Layer - How to Break Generational Patterns Without Becoming the Villain

When Your Wounds Become Medicine for the Next Generation

Onions have been used medicinally for millennia. But here's what they don't tell you: the healing properties only activate through breakdown. The medicine lives in the wound.

I declared in 2011 that a generational curse would end with me. Then I proceeded to get my ass kicked for it. Turns out, the universe tests whether you actually mean it.

The Casado Pattern

My great-grandfather came from Spain to Chile. Started a successful clothing company. Had a gambling problem. His brother took over the business. Betrayal #1.

My grandfather in Chile—betrayed by his own brother. The family pattern continues.

My father came to the U.S. with $300 in his pocket. Bought a toolbox. Worked as a mechanic in a rough neighborhood. Then one day, before he even met my mother, he fell through a glass shower. Severed all the tendons in his left arm. Almost died. Left arm barely functional.

He got more determined. Built a successful freight forwarding company. Pioneered routes into Paraguay in the early 1990s.

Then: Reconnected with Chilean family. Brought two uncles (brothers from his dad's dad, go figure) into the company. Years later, discovered they were stealing significant money. Betrayal again.

He had friends throughout my childhood. Every single one ended in fallouts over money. Him getting screwed over. Again and again.

The screaming in the warehouse? The micromanaging? The verbal abuse? That came from a lifetime of people taking advantage of him. From losing his arm and refusing to let anyone feel sorry for him. From building an empire while constantly being betrayed.

Deep down, my father has a great heart. But life gave him an operating system built on battle mode. And that autopilot ran for generations.

The Declaration

I said, sitting in my cubicle in the office in 2011: "This generational curse of backstabbing, deceit, brother against brother, family feuds—it ends with me."

I meant it.

Then the ass-kicking began: Lost my anchor client. IRS took money. Seven-plus years of financial grinding. Multiple rock bottoms. Every time I wanted to give up, the test continued.

Was that the PRICE of breaking a generational curse? The universe making sure I wouldn't become my father when pressure hit?

The Medicine That's Not Easy

Here's the hardest truth I've learned:

You're not healing by rejecting him. You're healing by understanding him AND choosing differently.

I could have made him the villain. Cut ties. Blamed him for my trauma. That would have been easier (and I did for so long, until I realized the understanding through therapy).

Or I could have become him. "This is just how Casado men are. Life is a battle. Everyone betrays you. Scream first, trust never."

But I'm doing the hardest thing: Holding compassion for his wounds while refusing to pass them forward.

Understanding why he screams (lifetime of betrayal, lost arm, constant survival mode) AND choosing not to scream at my son when financial pressure hits.

My son is 2. Terrible twos. Tantrums. Learning emotions. And I catch myself in autopilot—feeling rage rise when he melts down, especially during times of financial insecurity while grinding to get our company going.

But I CATCH it. I acknowledge it. I shift. I stay present.

Not easy. But I know this change is changing everything.

The Grace of God Equation

I ask myself sometimes: How easy would it be to go back to my dark side?

The dark side isn't becoming evil. It's becoming comfortable.

The dark side is: Get a drink. Go to restaurants on credit cards. Get a job at an ad agency. Put my kid in preschool. Watch sports. Go to brunches. Join softball leagues. Casual cruise vacations. Visit my wife's family in New Jersey. Get older having accomplished nothing of real value. (I mean no offense here, I've been there, done that, exhausted it, and I want something completely different now—that's all.)

Even writing that hurts. I'm not that anymore.

I have a spot by the beach—my sanctuary. I talk to God daily. Not religious, per se—went to all-boys Catholic school—but spiritually connected. I know there's a higher calling.

The grace of God doesn't remove the grind. It makes me unable to settle for comfortable meaningless-ness. That discomfort becomes my compass.

I've seen too much: The rigged systems, the equity vultures stripping souls from businesses, the manipulation, the global order built on deceit.

Once you're awake, you can't go back to brunch and softball leagues pretending it's enough.

The Inflection Point I Can't See

Dr. Goodman used to tell me: "You're too close to the ground to see the pattern."

Now, with distance, I can drone up and see the bigger picture—at a cost.

In the family business, I couldn't process it in real time. Now I see: Four generations of Casado men betrayed, hardened, passing rage forward on autopilot.

And I see myself catching that autopilot moment by moment with my son. Shutting it down. Choosing differently.

I keep thinking there's an inflection point coming—some external breakthrough (tech company payout, client win, financial relief).

But what if the inflection point is internal?

What if I've ALREADY broken the curse? Already built the skills? Already become the man who can create real value in a rigged world? (Or is it rigged? Or am I just hanging out with the wrong crowd and social media algorithm?)

"I know God has a plan and he's grinding me through to this inflection point I can't see. Somehow it's right here smacking me in the face and I still can't open my eyes to see it."

Maybe that's the point. Maybe the medicine isn't IN the breakthrough. Maybe the medicine IS the grinding—the daily choice not to pass the rage forward.

The Wound as Medicine

My father gave me "negative motivation"—the NOT TO DO list for my own family.

But the medicine isn't rejecting him. It's this:

Every time I catch myself about to explode and choose presence instead, I'm healing four generations backward and infinite generations forward.

My son will never fully understand what I'm doing for him. Because he won't inherit the rage. That's how I know the curse is actually broken.

The wound—the warehouse trauma, the screaming, the survival mode—that's becoming medicine. Not just for my son, but for anyone trapped in inherited trauma patterns.

This Week's Peel

What generational pattern are you carrying that you didn't choose? And what would it cost to break it?

Not by rejecting where you came from. Not by making villains of the wounded people who raised you.

But by understanding their pain, honoring what they gave you (work ethic, determination, survival skills), and consciously transforming what would destroy the next generation.

The medicine lives in your wound. The healing comes through choosing differently—every single day, especially when the pressure hits.

"When you know better, you do better."
— Maya Angelou

This week, notice: What autopilot pattern are you catching in real time? And when you choose differently—when you don't pass the trauma forward—do you feel it? That's not just parenting or self-improvement. That's medicine. You're healing generations you'll never meet.

The "Being Coached" Layer: Converting the Curse to Blessing

This week, Dr. Goodman says, a powerful foundational principle for healing: Healing is the spontaneous recognition of the curse as a blessing. In the instance that you let go of the anger about four generations of struggle and family patterns, and instead pick up the mantle of gratitude for the learning opportunity, everything changes.

This shift doesn't just impact you; it transforms every interaction, especially with your son. We all have a choice: remain the automaton, responding as the Casado men have always responded in autopilot rage, or turn the page and start a new chapter. By choosing gratitude for the hard-won wisdom, you teach the next generation that they have the ultimate power: the ability to choose a different, healthier response.

Bookshelf Peeled - Empathy in the Medicinal Layer

This week's insight comes from Henri Nouwen's The Wounded Healer. Nouwen's central thesis directly addresses your theme of breaking generational patterns: Authentic ministry (or healing/leadership) comes only from a deep awareness of one's own wounds.

• The Healer Must Be Wounded: Nouwen argues that we are not called to be detached experts, but wounded healers. You are effective at stopping the generational rage (the curse) precisely because you intimately know the pain of the warehouse trauma (the wound).
• The Wound as a Shared Experience: By transforming your rage into compassion and choice, you move from isolation to community. Your personal wound—the inherited anger—becomes medicine for others because you can connect to their pain without being destroyed by your own.
• The Lesson for the Onion Peel: Your decision to hold compassion for your father's wounds while choosing differently is the purest act of the wounded healer. It proves that the medicine doesn't need to be found outside your experience; it activates inside your breakdown, turning your personal trauma into a universal source of healing and change.

Note: This post contains an affiliate link

The Wounded Healer: Ministry in Contemporary Society
By Henri J. M. Nouwen

Buy Book Here

Design Rebel: Choosing a New Legacy

This week's theme explores the outdated programming passed down through generations, declaring that it ends with me for the benefit of my son. Images and video were done using Leonardo.ai. Veo 3.1 was used for some voice-syncing. Voice narration provided by ElevenLabs, with the script a collaboration between Gemini and me. Edited in Wondershare Filmora.

Weekly Inspired Insights I liked or found useful this week:

I have had this on my desktop for as long as I can remember, and it seemed fitting and inspirational for this week's video. Happy generational breaking and healing forward!

P.S. If this resonates with you, share it with someone. I'm dedicated to helping fellow explorers—or anyone who found this page—uncover their authentic self with humor and insight. We're all in this together, finding the courage to truly live from our core essence (or as close as we can get!).

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