The First Inner Layer -When Your Chrysalis Gets Boring

The Burning Truth

The first cut is always the deepest... baby I know 🎵—and in all seriousness, the most necessary. This week, we're peeling back that first protective layer, the one that's been keeping you safe but keeping you little little.

Last week, we talked about roots—the deep family patterns and money stories that anchor us. But roots feed into something larger. They nourish layer upon layer of who we think we are, and peeling back that first layer? That's where the real work begins. Like a butterfly dissolving in its chrysalis, sometimes you have to completely break down your old identity before you can emerge as something new.

When Everything You Wanted Feels Like Nothing

Picture this: Miami, 2011. I'm 33, living in a beautiful high-rise in Brickell that has a 300-foot-long pool and pillars in the lobby, replicas of the Easter Island sculptures as its decor, in the heart of everything. BMW in the valet, status intact, social calendar packed. I had everything I thought I wanted. I was back at the family company for the third time, surrounded by what felt like friends, dating plenty, living what looked like the dream (or the vida loca)—or a dream fulfilled (or so I thought).

And, weirdly, I felt absolutely nothing.

I was bored out of my mind, completely alone among all these fake connections. The very things I'd chased—the high-rise, the status symbols, the shallow Miami social scene—had become my Groundhog Day. I was living someone else's version of success, and it was suffocating me.

That's when I realized I was stuck in my chrysalis, dissolving in my own emptiness. I needed substance. I needed philosophy. I needed to read, to learn, to unlearn all the vanity and surface-level living I'd been swimming in the 300-foot pool. The problem? I couldn't sit still long enough to read a book. I knew a little about a lot and a lot about nothing—really nothing. But oh, did I have charm.

So I tried audiobooks. The first one I picked up was The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and it completely blew my mind. Finding your personal legend? Going on this adventure, where disappointment and discovery walk hand in hand? It was all too real, too close to what I was feeling. I wanted more.

The next book changed everything: Joseph Campbell's The Power of Myth with Bill Moyers. The hero's journey, the blueprint and structure to Star Wars and many other movies, all the steps—my God. "The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek." I ended up writing a book about my own journey (check out my book here), inspired by Joseph's most famous saying: "follow my bliss." I couldn't stop. I needed more.

The Technique That Saved My Life

But reading wasn't enough. I needed help processing all of this. That's when I started working with Dr. Goodman, who coached me through these revelations using a technique called NET—Neuro Emotional Technique. He called it "upgrading your software, like an iPhone update." You had to let the old programming go to install the new.

NET literally saved my life. We'd talk to the source of whatever was painful, and he'd have me hold my arm up while we traced it back—sometimes to when I was 8 years old, sometimes 19, all these pivotal moments that were still holding me back. The emotional charge would get neutralized, dissolved, like the caterpillar soup inside the chrysalis, making way for wings.

The first belief I had to shed? My addiction to hookup culture. I was so hooked on the Miami dating scene, the validation through conquest. That had to go. Then came other layers—my hookah addiction, various forms of depression, so much more. Each one was a protective layer that had stopped serving me.

What I Did vs. What You Might Try

What worked for me was a combination therapy: audiobooks for intellectual breakthrough and coaching for emotional processing. I thought I needed both the philosophical framework and the technique to release what was stuck—it was all new to me, and it was working.

Your version might look different. Maybe you're a visual learner who needs documentaries instead of audiobooks. Maybe you need journaling instead of NET. Maybe you need group therapy instead of one-on-one coaching. The key is recognizing when you're dissolving in your own chrysalis and having the courage to let that process happen instead of fighting it.

The rebel onion that emerged from my chrysalis—the one I first drew on that Post-it note during this time (see the drawing in Week 1)—represents this exact moment. When you peel back that first layer, you're not just removing surface conditioning. You're stepping into the messy, uncomfortable middle of becoming who you're meant to be.

The Truth About First Layers

Here's what they don't tell you: peeling back that first layer hurts because it's connected to everything. It's not just about letting go of surface habits or obvious addictions. That first layer is woven into your identity, your relationships, your entire way of moving through the world.

When I let go of the hookup culture, I had to rebuild how I related to people. When I left the high-rise lifestyle, I had to redefine what success meant. When I stopped being the guy who knew a little about everything, I had to be okay with being a beginner again—and even more so in this present moment.

But here's the thing—that first layer is just the beginning. Underneath it are more layers, deeper patterns, older wounds, and greater treasures. This is just where we start to get real about who we are beneath all the protection we've built up.

The butterfly doesn't emerge from its chrysalis all at once. It's a process of dissolution and reformation, of letting go and becoming. You're in that process now, whether you realize it or not.

What truth about yourself brings both pain and clarity? What first layer is ready to be shed? Reply and tell me what you're discovering as you begin to dissolve the old to make room for the new.

Being Coached Layers: On The Second Adolescence

This week, Dr. Goodman says: You're right, there's no brochure for this. He found himself with everything society told him to chase—money, business, family—yet utterly miserable. "If I had to keep running back and forth from room to room [like I did in my business], I would go out of my mind."He realized he was living someone else's fantasy, a life installed by his parents, which offered none of the satisfaction he truly sought.

The only way out, he realized, was to change "everything"—releasing all the old beliefs, values, and what he thought was important. This is what a wise man calls the "middle essence," essentially the second coming of your adolescence. Just as you prepare to leave your parents' house, you might inadvertently buy a new one just like it. True transformation begins when you decide who you want to be, what you stand for, and gain clarity on your values, choosing to live your life. The chrysalis becomes the butterfly, but the journey isn't over; that adult butterfly is now spawning a new chrysalis, like having your son. It’s like the hero's journey, continually starting anew in different phases of your life.

Bookshelf Peeled - Resisting the Ego's Old Tricks

This week in The Rebel Onion, as we explore shedding that first layer of your chrysalis, RJ Spina's Supercharged Self-Healing offers a crucial warning: "I feel better now so I can go back to what I used to do!" is a classic trick of the ego. This isn't about patching up your old self; it's about getting to your core. Your "false self" will try to recreate a past reality that can never serve your highest potential. Don't take the bait—true unlayering means moving beyond your previous conditioning.

The key takeaway is: Don't let feeling better trick you into returning to old patterns, as your past self cannot serve your highest potential.

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Supercharged Self-Healing: A Revolutionary Guide to Access High-Frequency States of Consciousness That Rejuvenate and Repair -by RJ Spina

Find It Here

Design Rebel: Another daydream vision!

This is my favorite part: the art, the vision inspired by the topic. This week, that inspiration is at the heart of projects like my latest video, where I blended creativity, tech, and a whole lot of weird humor. I used tools like Leonardo.AI and ElevenLabs, wrote the script, and did the editing in Wondershare Filmora to bring it to life.

Weekly Inspired Insights I liked or found useful this week:

If you haven't heard about Joseph Campbell or the hero's journey, prepare for a life-changer! In my experience, be warned, it'll kick your ass for years, but trust me, it's worth it. Here's the shortest video I found on it. Follow your bliss.

P.S. If this resonates with you, share it with someone whose periscope might need permission to surface. We're all submarines in this ocean together, scanning for the courage to be ourselves.