The Community Layer - How One Partnership Taught Me the Difference Between Loyalty and Tolerance
When the Right Ingredient Leaves at the Right Time
Onions transform and are transformed by the ingredients they cook with. Add an onion to a stew and everything changes—the broth deepens, the flavors sync, nothing tastes the same. But here's what they don't tell you: sometimes the stew gets better when you remove an ingredient.
I learned this the hard way with a business partner who changed my professional life—and nearly derailed it.
The Catalyst Ingredient
My wife worked at a high-end restaurant in West Palm Beach. There was this guy—we'll call him Marcus—who'd come in alone, frequent the bar, and have deep conversations on slow nights. She noticed we had a lot in common and insisted we meet.
Marcus, whom I thought was plugged into Palm Beach's social circles, was originally from California and about a year into living here. He was eating nightly at expensive Palm Beach restaurants (one of which was near his house) and rubbing elbows with generational wealth. He was a futurist working on eco-sustainable global projects, implementing blockchain technology back in 2015–2016, before most people knew what the blockchain even meant.
I'd show up at his house and he'd be on Zoom calls—pre-pandemic Zoom calls—with Ivy League types wheeling and dealing in carbon markets, discussing "holonomials" and "non-flationary value in currency development." I didn't understand half of it at the time (if any), but I was absorbing an entirely new language.
He had basic business plans that he did in Keynote presentations. I told him, "Let me upgrade your designs and pitch decks. I'll be the creative, you be the visionary, let's partner."
We partnered. We raised money. I learned blockchain visual language before stock libraries had crypto icons—I literally had to draw them. Marcus brought in David, a Wall Street guy with serious finance credibility, and joined. We attracted another partner, Ryan, who loved our approach. Suddenly, we were a real team.
The Toxic Ingredient
But Marcus had sold a house in California and was living large in a seasonal town where living large costs a fortune. The consulting money in crypto and blockchain? Well, those big contracts take time. The lifestyle expenses? Those hit immediately.
I started noticing things. A vice that was noticeable in these living large circles. The unpredictable moods in Zoom meetings—you could feel people on the other end wondering why Marcus was quiet or suddenly volatile.
And then it hit me: We were so similar in so many ways. Wealthy family safety net. Branching out to make our own mark. Determined not to fall back on the lifeline.
Except Marcus was showing me the Ghost of Christmas Future—what happens when ambition outpaces income and habits outpace discipline.
The Purification Process
Our burn rate hit a critical point. No revenue coming in yet. Salaries got cut. We had to pivot our approach.
Marcus didn't like the new direction. Thought his input wasn't valued. He left the team.
I wasn't going back to partnering with him. Good guy, learned a lot, we're still friends. But I was relieved when he left.
David, Ryan, and I? We got stronger. More cohesive. We understood each other's dynamics. We'd been through the ringer together and kept going. With Marcus, you never knew what mood was walking into the Zoom meeting or what devil's advocate energy would derail progress.
The stew needed his flavor to develop initially—his network brought Ryan in, his vision opened doors I didn't know existed. But once we absorbed those lessons, his volatility was spoiling the dish.
The Fatherhood Filter
Here's what changed everything: becoming a husband and father.
Pre-kid me might have tolerated Marcus's antics longer out of loyalty or fear of losing the network. Post-kid me? I was already exhausted by his unpredictability before my son was born.
Now? Not Marcus, not even my own team can get in the way of my ambition to provide the best life for my family. Fatherhood didn't make me soft—it made me ruthless about what deserves my energy.
I even quit alcohol in 2023. Watching Marcus burn through resources wasn't just about him—I was changing too. Sure, I had my fun, but not drinking made me feel optimal seven days a week. Now, especially with my son, I refuse to be sluggish. Focused sustainability beats brain fog and being nonoptimal every single time.
The Team Alchemy
David brings Wall Street credibility and entrepreneurial backbone. Ryan brings Web3 vision and technical infrastructure. I bring the visual translation that makes us look like we have a full agency behind us.
We were ahead of the curve—building in 2017-2020 when the world wasn't ready. We survived COVID, crypto volatility, and the general public's skepticism. Now in 2025, blockchain is hitting legislation hard. We paid the early adopter tax with years of grinding.
But we're still here. The three of us. The right ingredients, finally blended properly.
This Week's Peel
Community doesn't just shape you—you shape the community by choosing who stays in your stew.
Some people are essential catalysts for one chapter but the wrong ingredient for the next. Their contribution was real. Their departure was necessary. Both things can be true.
The question isn't "Am I loyal to everyone who helped me?"
The question is "Which relationships are seasoning my growth, and which ones are spoiling the dish?"
This week, notice: Who in your circle brings out your best self, and who requires you to manage their chaos? And what would your life look like if you stopped confusing loyalty with tolerance?
Being Coached Layers: The Alchemy of The Stew
You must approach your business and personal circle like a master chef approaches a stew: every person is an ingredient, and you must prioritize the quality of the final product—your success and well-being. The coaching advice here is to conduct an Ingredient Audit: Is a partner adding nutrients (network, vision, credibility) or volatility (chaos, draining habits)? When an ingredient, no matter how helpful it once was, starts to spoil the dish, your commitment to the final product demands ruthless clarity over emotional attachment.
The crucial distinction lies between loyalty and tolerance. Tolerance is managing someone else's chaos because you fear the cost of their departure. When you choose tolerance, you actively delay your own necessary purification and growth. True leadership and personal growth mean honoring the contribution a person made as a catalyst, but recognizing that their time is over when the work requires a new level of cohesion and discipline.
Bookshelf Peeled: The Courage to Belong to Yourself
The tension between loyalty and necessary separation is deeply reflected in Toko-pa Turner's book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home.
It teaches that true belonging isn't found by tolerating conditions or groups that diminish you; rather, it's an inner contract you make with yourself. The process of leaving a toxic or diminishing situation—like a partnership—is not a failure of loyalty, but a courageous act of loyalty to your own well-being and purpose (your core team, your family, your optimized self).
The Lesson: The most important community you belong to is the one you build around your best self. When you choose to remove an "ingredient" that creates chaos, you are simply raising the standard for your own belonging. Your loyalty must first be to the quality of your own inner "stew" before you extend it outwards.
Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home
By Toko-pa Turner
Design Rebel: The Spoiled Stew
This week's deep dive into partnerships and moving on was inspired by a unique image from Leonardo.ai, which blended two Onion styles. The voice was provided by ElevenLabs, with the script written by me and formalized with Gemini's structure. Final production was completed in Wondershare Filmora.
Weekly Inspired Insights I liked or found useful this week:
P.S. If this resonates with you, share it with someone. I'm dedicated to helping fellow explorers—or anyone who found this page—uncover their authentic self with humor and insight. We're all in this together, finding the courage to truly live from our core essence (or as close as we can get!).
The Transformational Layer: Becoming Something New (Tentative)
Member discussion