The Adaptive Layer - Shape-Shifting for Survival
The Chameleon's Dilemma
"Onions adapt their growth to available resources, sometimes growing thin in poor soil. How have you shaped yourself to fit spaces that were never meant for you?"
Picture this: It's 2012. I was living in a luxury Brickell apartment, working at my father's company, and I had more social groups than a political campaign manager. There were kickball leagues with a younger crowd, CrossFit with the fitness fanatics, spinning classes at an expensive gym where I sat next to Erik Spoelstra, the head coach of the Miami Heat (still to this day), who would fist-bump me next to my bike, parties with my groups and my roommate's girlfriend's crew, plus the old friends from growing up who were settling down while I was still playing Peter Pan.
I was the ultimate shapeshifter. At work, I was the charming son of the owner—the good cop when dad needed fires put out, the bad cop when someone had to be let go. With the kickball crew, I became the younger, wilder version. At parties, I was Rico Suave, cracking jokes and commanding the room. Dating in Miami? That was another persona entirely—the player in a city full of players where everyone had a backup plan. And now I hear it's even more superficial and maybe why passport bros have emerged in recent years.
But here's what I didn't realize: I was an onion growing in completely wrong soil, adapting so well to every environment that I forgot what my natural shape was supposed to be.
The Exhaustion of Excellence
Every Sunday, I'd wake up completely drained. Not just hungover—though there was plenty of that—but energetically bankrupt from performing so many different versions of myself.
I'd lie in bed thinking, "I can't keep this up." Then I'd have these moments of clarity, usually on business trips away from Miami, where I'd see the whole charade clearly. I'd make grand plans: stop drinking, focus on work, start a real company, grow up.
But within a week of being back in Miami, the same triggers would activate, and I'd slip right back into my chameleon skin. The funny guy at everyone else's expense. The yes-man who'd drop everything for "one drink" that always became five. The charming facade that was getting increasingly exhausting to maintain.
I was successful on paper—good job, nice apartment, active social life. But underneath all those adaptations, I was dying. I had mastered the art of being whoever the room needed, but I had no idea who I actually was underneath it all.
The brutal truth hit me one day: I had incredible social skills, could make anyone laugh, knew how to work a room, but I had zero depth. I was a mile wide and an inch deep, perfectly adapted to survive in any environment but slowly suffocating my authentic self in the process.
Peeling Back to Your Original Form
It took years of fucking around and finding out before I finally stopped the chameleon act. Rock bottoms, dark nights of the soul, and eventually meeting my wife in 2015 when I had nothing left but honesty.
I remember sitting with her and saying, "Here are my cards. This is what I've got, and this is what we're going to do." For the first time in years, I wasn't adapting to what I thought she wanted to hear. I was just... me.
That's when the real work began. Therapy with Dr. Goodman, devouring books starting with The Alchemist, seminars, and everything I could get my hands on to figure out who I was beneath all the performance. It was a ten-year ass-kicking to finally stop camouflaging and start being.
The beautiful thing about an onion? No matter how many layers you peel away, there's always a core that remains. Your adaptations—the good ones and the survival ones—are just layers. Some serve you, some suffocate you, but they're not you—just remember that not all is lost in God's economy, there was a reason for it.
Your Adaptation Inventory
The question isn't whether you're adapting—you are. We all are. The question is: which adaptations are helping you grow toward your authentic self, and which ones are just helping you survive in spaces that were never meant for you?
Right now, you're probably maintaining multiple versions of yourself. The work you, the family you, the social you. Some of these adaptations are brilliant—they help you navigate different environments with skill and grace. But others? They're just old survival strategies you're running on autopilot.
Here's what I learned: Your authentic self isn't found by rejecting all adaptation. It's found by keeping the ones that serve your growth and releasing the ones that just keep you safe.
The most radical thing you can do today is ask yourself: "In which environment do I feel most like myself?" That's your natural soil. That's where your authentic shape wants to grow.
You don't have to burn down your life to find yourself. You just have to stop growing thin in poor soil and start cultivating the conditions where your real self can thrive.
Your chameleon skills got you here. Your authentic nature will take you where you're meant to go.
"Sometimes, having many friends can deepen the feeling of loneliness, because the heart longs not for numbers, but for genuine connection."
Which version of yourself feels most like home, and what would happen if you let that one lead?
Being Coached Layers: To Tell the Truth
This week, Dr. Goodman says that many of us are on a lifelong search for our true self, and the pandemic exposed the fragility of the personas we construct. Citing the documentary on Billy Joel, he notes that even a global icon must eventually face someone who sees beyond the facade. When Billy Joel's usual persona failed to impress his future wife (mind you, his fourth), he was forced to drop the act and be his authentic self.
This same pressure was felt during the pandemic, which put couples together for longer periods without the usual social scripts to follow. Some relationships doubled down on their personas, while others were forced to become who they really are. Your true self, Dr. Goodman says, is defined by what is sustainable. If you're constantly looking at your watch or counting down the minutes, you're likely performing a role. He references the old game show To Tell the Truth, where the announcer's question, "Will the real person please stand up?" is the same core question we must ask ourselves. Our chameleon skills are not a flaw, but a tool; the goal is to find what feels like home.
Bookshelf Peeled - Quiet
This week's chameleon dilemma and the exhaustion of performing reminded me of Susan Cain's book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Cain’s central argument is that our society has created an "Extrovert Ideal," pressuring everyone to be outgoing and assertive. This forces millions of people to become expert chameleons, constantly adapting their behavior in order to fit in.
This sheds light on my experience: the energetic bankruptcy I felt on Sundays (circa 2012) wasn’t just a result of a busy schedule, but the deep psychological toll of constantly performing a version of myself that wasn't my natural core. The lesson from Quiet is that your authentic shape isn't a flaw to be fixed; it's a powerful source of your truest self. Embracing the core beneath all your layers of adaptation is the most radical and necessary step toward a life that feels sustainable and true.
Quiet
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
By Susan Cain
Design Rebel: The Most Interesting Onion in the World
This week's design was inspired by "The Most Interesting Onion in the World," a concept fitting our chameleon theme. Leonardo.ai was used for the visuals, though a refined script from Grok helped guide the process. The voice was generated by ElevenLabs, and the final video was edited in Wondershare Filmora with music from Pixabay.
The most interesting rebel onion in the world - Week 12
Weekly Inspired Insights I liked or found useful this week:
While I often go deep on Jordan Peterson or Joseph Campbell, this quote by Alan Watts really hit home. It's a reminder that when we stop running from the empty space within ourselves and stop filling it with effort and distraction, we finally find that what we feared to face was our own true self, before the world gave us a name. I’ve saved it to start right at the 2:46 mark for you.
P.S. If this resonates with you, share it with someone. I'm dedicated to helping fellow explorers—or anyone who found this page—uncover their authentic self with humor and insight. We're all in this together, finding the courage to truly live from our core essence (or as close as we can get!).
The Chemical Layer: Your Emotional Compounds (Tentative title)
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